Dead Heart

Today is five months. Five months ago at this time I was sobbing, my heart was full of pain... still is. I wonder, will I be able to get over this eventually? I don't scare easily but this feeling I've been feeling for the past five months horrify s me. All the memories we built, all the things we shared, and now it's all gone. I promised myself I would never beg anyone, I would never look for anybody. But look at me now, your friends called me Crazy? I think crazy was an understatement. I would knock at your door, call your phone, text your phone... and what would I receive in return... NOTHING. I wonder if you ever feel bad about hurting me the way you did but at this point I'm pretty sure you don't. Humiliating me in public? That was low. I guess I'm such a prideful person it hurts feeling rejected. You found my weakness and you destroyed me with it. You out of all people. I guess what hurts more is simply reminiscing on our good times, sitting in your car at night looking at the stars, hearing you telling me how much you loved me, hugging each other so tight <3, hearing you say I was the love of your life. Listening to the songs you would cutely dedicate me, simply hearing how your day went made me happy because you were sharing something with me. I guess what disappoints me the most is how you went from being the sweetest person to me to being the most cold, careless person I ever met. You know, it hurts deep inside it does. Today someone said to me, "Why don't you smile, you should try that... you always have a depressed look on your face.". I wasn't aware my misery was so noticeable. As of now, I am confused in what I feel. I'm not sure weather I really hate you or I love you but all that love is hidden by the enormous anger I feel towards you or I just simply don't care any longer. Whatever it is I just hope I can genuinely smile again and be happy<3!